Words that Kill My Tastebuds

We all know that words can hurt. There are too many to list. The hope is that one day there will be less words that separate people. Maybe one day they will be as foreign as polio, horse and buggy, weston hamburgers, and groovy.

The words I am wring about are words in our vernacular that are thrown around on a daily basis. And when I hear them, something in my brain goes, “STOP!! There ought to be a law.”

Without further ado, here are words to avoid if you are within 50 miles of me.

Succulent – I feel slimy just typing in this word. If someone says that something is that revolting word – I feel my stomach acids start to kick in and a list of profanities slip through my lips. Who are the people who made up these words? And why are they not in jail? I remember years ago hearing about a succulent pig. I threw up. And I felt so bad for the pig’s family. Don’t use that words around me. Please. It contains the word “Lent” in it so any of you are observing Lent add this to things not to do. Let’s just make it for 40 years instead of days. I will be dead by then.

Gorgeous – this word never made it to George Carlin’s list of words that cannot be said on TV, but since George is no longer with us, I would like to add that word. I am willing to let the f bomb be said during the nightly news ( where it rightly belongs when talking about the economy)over the G word. Nobody can say that word without the tiny hairs inside my ears spontaneously combusting. It’s not pretty and it hurts me. Deeply.

Delicious – Now this used to be an acceptable word until human beings became delicious or the shirt I was wearing became delicious. What the hell? Delicious is about the world of food. The cake was delicious, the chicken was delicious but for God’s sake, Aunt Betty is not delicious. And I will not be party to such a cannibalistic act. Put the knife down won’t you? If I hear someone say that so and so looks delicious, I just might put a lobster bib on them and watch. Dig in.

Yummy – Grow up. Get a thesaurus. (unless, of course, it is really yummy.)

I need to get a life, so I will list some other words that you really should steer clear from saying in my zip code. If you have an urge to say them just bite down on your tongue. Hard.

Paradigm, plethora (sounds like a tile for a Hitchcock movie) and the new biggie – transparent.

I think I have been very clear (or is that transparent ) on my request to not say those words around me.