The Film Fatales: The Film Fatales Oscar Picks: 2012

The Film Fatales: The Film Fatales Oscar Picks: 2012: The 84th Annual Academy Awards Live, Sunday February 26th, on ABC Nicole: It’s almost Oscar time. Before we don our flowing Marches...

Coaches on the Edge Are Taking the Glut out of Gluten.

Coaches on the Edge Are Taking the Glut out of Gluten.

Coaches on the Edge say, “Mel Gibson, We Hardly Knew You.”

Coaches on the Edge say, “Mel Gibson, We Hardly Knew You.”

Interview with a Comic: Carol Leifer, author of” When You Lie About Your Age, The Terrorists Win” talks

ec. We both grew up on Long Island but we never had any play dates together. Another thing we have in common were fathers who were both naturally very funny. Were you influenced by your father’s sense of humor or did you develop your own style?

CL. My father was a huge influence on me. He was an optometrist by trade (and how could he NOT go into that profession with a name like Seymour - SEE MORE? Get it?) but always dreamed of being a comedian. He was the king of the joke tellers and no one told a joke like he did. I was very fascinated by him as a young girl watching him hold court and tell jokes to friends around the neighborhood or at family gatherings. My father also had good taste in comedians. He would always call us kids down to the basement when a great comic was on The Ed Sullivan Show. So comedy was important to the family and I believe it's in your DNA when you grow up like that.

ec. I remember seeing you perform when I was a comic wannabe. I do recall quite clearly how tough it was to be a woman and a comic back in the mid 1980s. How did you keep going when comedy clubs owners were not that supportive of women comics and were just a tad sexist? Or was your experience different?

CL.There were very few women comics when I started out doing stand-up. But I always saw that as a great advantage. It was incredibly sexist back then - the club owner would put together line-ups like, "Okay, we've got the monkey act, the ventriloquist, we'll put a woman on, and then the impressionist." But at least I got on! I always say to women, "Take advantage of the fact that you're in the minority, don't see it as a disadvantage. You're that much more unique when there's fewer of you."

ec. Did becoming a stand up comic trump all other careers? Did you look at it as a passionate calling or just a way to pay the rent while you were looking for something else?

CL. Stand-up comedy, and getting good at it, is such a ballbuster career that if you're not pursuing it as your passion, you'll last about three seconds. I always like to put it this way - They say that most peoples' greatest fear is speaking in front of large groups of strangers. I contend that most comedians' greatest fear is NOT speaking in front of large groups of strangers. Again, it gets back to DNA - if it's not in your bones, you'll never have the fortitude and strength to sustain the great challenges that go along with a stand-up career.

ec. And is it true that the character of Elaine Benes from the Seinfeld show was based on you? And I know all the Seinfeld fans will want to know - do you really dance like Elaine?

CL.Completely false. I am the inspiration for Kramer. You should see the smooth way I enter an apartment!

ec. I had a good laugh when I heard the name of your book: When You Lie about Your Age, the Terrorists Win. Where did this title come from?

CL.The title is from one of the essays in my book. The message of the book is all about loving and embracing your age and your life, whatever age you might be. I have been blown away by the response of readers so far! I got a Facebook message from a young woman who is 24, thanking me, saying "I was so afraid of getting older. But your book is like a how-to in aging with grace and dignity. I'm not afraid anymore." To even more messages from guys saying how funny they think the book is. There's a positive message for everyone who reads it, if I do say so myself.

ec. How is the book tour going? It seems you kicked the Octomom off the talk shows and for that we are very grateful.

CL.The book tour is going phenomenally well. I was so honored that all these shows, shows that I love, had me on - Leno, Letterman, The View, Bill Maher. You have no idea how thrilling it is when Oprah Winfrey is reading from your book on her show! I can certainly die and go to heaven, no problem. And doing The Howard Stern show again was a hoot - but then again, what OTHER show are you going to go on to talk about your lesbian affair?!?

ec. In your book, When You Lie about Your Age, the Terrorists Win, you talk about turning 40. Today most feel that turning 40 is no biggie and that a card and maybe a nice dinner would make turning 40 memorable. But not you. Would you like to share how you dealt with turning 40?

CL. I wrote the book in large measure because my life got so much better after forty. That's something that most women don't expect to hear, but I hit the motherload. I found the love of my life, became an animal person, got bat mitzvahed at 45, and then, adopted a baby at 50! I'm having the best time of my life and people don't hear that message enough. They think, "I’m 40. I'm formed. It's over." But I want to spread the word that the best part of your life can start at 40 and beyond if you don't buy the hype. You also get so much smarter as you get older and that doesn't get the air play out there that it deserves. I cried when I turned 34 for no other reason than 34 sounded old to me at the time. That seems pretty dumb now 18 years later. So I wrote this book so women would stop their sobbing about aging!

ec. So you meet Lori, and that’s it for you. You two have been together for 12 years. That makes you 52. You’re still younger than me. Seem so unfair. How was coming out as a lesbian received by your friends and family? I personally think it’s great that you didn’t have to deal with speed dating and eHarmony.

CL.My family was amazing about it. Although my Dad did ask, "Was it the golf lessons?"

And clearly, my straight male friends were the most supportive. They were like, "Carol...I want to hear EVERYTHING. Slowly and in great detail, please."

ec. One thing that I find liberating about adding years to our lives is the right to reinvent ourselves and get involved with causes that make our lives more fulfilling. Can you tell us a little about some of the issues that you are putting your energy into now?

CL. I am involved with lots of non-profits that are important to me. I am very pro-choice so I do a lot of events with Planned Parenthood. Gay rights, Jewish causes, animal issues - they all live deeply inside me. And I feel very strongly about giving back. I've been so blessed in my career as a stand-up, a television writer and now, as an author. And I do believe that in my heart that what you give out, you get back in spades. So it's a win/win.

ec It seems that you were a late bloomer when it came to animals. I read that you and Lori have 7 rescued dogs. From what I can tell, my rescued cats can probably beat up most of them. How did this change of heart come to be?

CL. I had never had a pet as a child. But my partner Lori had a dog and 2 cats when we finally moved in together. And I have to say I challenge anyone - to live with an animal for at least 6 months, and not be completely smitten at the end of those six months. Their unconditional love, their unwavering support and companionship - I can't believe I only started to love animals in this way in my forties. How much more joyous my younger years would have been being enveloped in animal love!

ec. Maybe you can explain this to me –what is attraction to golf? It can’t be the shoes, can it?

CL.Golf is a lot like stand-up comedy. You have to suck to get good in the long run and I have always loved a challenge like that.

The shoes are funny and always keep me laughing, especially when I suck extra hard!

ec. Your son, Bruno, is almost 3. What changes has motherhood bought to you and Lori’s lives? Is he a funny little boy?

CL. I adopted Bruno when I was 50! And it's pretty funny getting Parents Magazine in the mail the same time as AARP magazine arrives in the mail. But motherhood is great. Bruno has two mommies - his Oedipus complex is now a threesome! And Bruno has 2 Jewish Mommies, to boot! If this kid is ever hungry, it'll be a freakin' miracle!

The biggest adjustment, honestly, having a baby at 50 was the crying all night - I kept waking the baby!

Bruno is so funny. He loves to watch me weigh myself. The last time I did, I got on the scale, Bruno looked down and said, "Not so bad!" Wonder where he heard that from.

ec. What would you like to say to the younger women who are maybe a little forgetful about the struggles that their sisters and mothers experienced in making the road that they travel today a little easier? Is feminism on life support or just lurking in the background?

CL.I am very pro-choice and I go to all the marches. And I've noticed that it's mostly me and the old broads. I want more younger women to get engaged. These rights are not set in stone, they could all go away in a puff of smoke. So I want to encourage more women to get up and join us! We've come a long way, baby - oh yes, we have! But the idea wasn't to get there and then open up a folding chair.

ec. And finally, most people seem to think that if you can get in front of a group of mildly intoxicated people and make them laugh and forget about their problems then you are capable of doing almost anything in the world. So, Carol, what is the next big project? Please don’t say that it involves a Barcalounger and the call of the sweatpants.

CL. I'm on the brink of 53. I love my life and it does get sweeter everyday! But man, am I lazy now! I swear that when I go to the mall and I see that an escalator is broken, the first thought that pops into my head is always, "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!? IS IT AMISH DAY NOW AT THE MALL?!?" I just want to be home in my sweatpants all the time - now that's living!

When Reality Really Bites

Back in the good and not so old days, I spent my days working in the advertising and fashion world, I saw plays, I listened to music in Central Park while picnicking by candlelight, went bar hopping and bed hopping, worked for peace, performed as a stand up comic, hopped into a few more beds and in general was a city girl who took advantage of life and some of those “I am just not that into you but i will sleep with you” men.Silly men, I was not into them either. Ah, can’t wait to forward this blog to my mother.

So where the hell am I going with this? Nowadays I work in my home office trying to build up my coaching business, writing a best seller(got to be positive), playing with my 5 cats (which generally means trying to get them off the keyboard and away from the screen), and stuff like that. For about 10- 12 hours a day and sometimes is happens 7 days a week. Where did I go?

At the end of the night I am beat and miss my old life. All of it. So what does this former wild child do? She watches Bravo and some of those absolutely dreadful reality shows. This funky east village girl is glued to these sucky shows like a small mouse is stuck to sticky glue pad. Both are wrong on so many levels.

The one that horrifies me beyond reason and logic is those housewives shows. You know what I am talking about? If not, then there is still time to get to NYC this summer with a crystal candelabra and a bottle of fine wine in hand and get thee to Central Park!

This season a blond bitch got another dumber blond so drunk at a party and the former blond’s son tried to bed her. Oh, you have got to be so proud of yourself! And this is while the later dumb blond’s rich boyfriend lied dying in the hospital. And you know how the former blond bitch was rewarded for such bad behavior? Her husband bought her a tennis bracelet for 35 grand. Remind me to run over my neighbor. There’s got to be a choker with my name on it. Diamond encrusted no doubt.

I wish I could say that I take out War and Peace to lull me to sleep. But I have to go back each week. I pray for major earthquakes to hit those houses in Orange County. I just don’t get why these women are allowed to breathe.

One has a son with a major, major drug problem so she has a wedding that made the stimulus program seem like chump change.

And their breasts! Nobody has breasts like that and most of them look so unappealing – like Stonehenge, but not that pretty.

The next generation is so damn scary. No ambition, no drive except for maybe 2 of them and one wanted to join the army so she could get away from her mother. I don’t blame her. I’ll drive her to Afghanistan myself!

Now the west coast is over and next week it is the east coast. This group makes my skin crawl. Most of them slept their way to a penthouse in the sky. And none of them seem to appreciate it – they feel so damn entitled. I feel they deserve to lose it all. And just because you marry someone with a title does not make you any better than any one else. How dare you? How bloody dare you? You ain’t all that sister!

I am appalled by my lack of common sense and even more appalled by the network’s lack of good taste.

If this is what the future generation is going to look like, then I should have frozen my eggs.

And I will do that right after I get back from Betty Ford. I hear they have a detox program for reality bites shows.

Greetings from Betty Ford. Wish I was there!

So You Don't Want The Money From The Stimulus Package - Gimme It!

Dear Governor Bobby Jindal of Louisiana and Governor Haley Barbour of Mississippi,

Say what? You seem to want to make trouble for the new president because he’s a democrat and he is desperately trying to fix a leak in the damn that is about the size of this country. Wonder who started that leak? Could it be the jelly head who just left office? Rings true to me.

So I want to address both of you separately. Let’s start with the state that I hated to spell in grammar school. Miss iss ippi. Couldn’t you just call the state “Bob?” Do you know how many times I had to stay after school and write that bloody name on the chalkboard? BTW – I will never visit your state! So you don’t want all the money because a law should be changed to give unemployment to part time workers? I bet most would like full time jobs but couldn’t get them. I bet if they don’t get help, you’ll have money problems then unemployment. How about more homeless, more crime, more violence? We are not playing by the old rules. The old rules got us here. People need help and they need it now.

I do know of one way to bring health care costs down in your state so that you could save a bundle. I can’t believe that I want to help a state that got me detention! Look around . What do you see? The fattest state in this country! Over 30% of your people are obese. over 30%! Your people are killing themselves. How about taking that money and buy a few treadmills, take junk food out of schools, start more sports programs, make walking mandatory, make employees get up every 30 minutes to walk and stretch their legs? Miss iss ippi could be the first state to say, “You can’t fry it when you’re on a diet!”Stop playing with people’s lives. If the government ,in this day and age, does not do enough to help its people then I think people will have the right to turn their back on their government and then things could get really nasty. Maybe a bunch of unemployed and homeless people could come live in the governor’s mansion with you and the little lady. Although if she is living in Miss iss ippi chances are that she isn’t that little. meow.

Okay getting moving and call Richard Simmons and let’s chat with Bobby. You are the governor of Louisiana another state I hated to spell. So you got your eye on the presidency in 2012? You know we won’t let you in until President Obama fixes the country and by then you will probably be a democrat because it may take a long time before you all get back into the White House without a personal invitation.

So you don’t want to cover more people on unemployment? who do you deny insurance to? Because it might call for an increase in taxes? Hello? Anyone at home there? Now nobody likes taxes, but I think most would not like to see people living in their cars, kids not going to school, more violence and more people dying because you are so damn busy with trying to look like you don’t need the stinking money! You need the stinking money. A lot! Remember Hurricane Katrina? Remember what bad government did to your state? Remember all those people without homes, bloated bodies floating in the flood waters and people without medicine or clean water? How about forgetting politics for a while and concentrate on helping your people?

We need to concentrate on the now because if we don’t, you can kiss the future of this country good bye. Everyone will move to France. If they will have us.

I can’t say that I know all that goes into the stimulus program, but I do get annoyed when the governor of Idao’s lawyer, Mr. Hensley, says and I quote, “ I never imagined that Congress would tell the state of Idaho to spend $5.5 billion on bike paths and pedestrians lanes. “(NY Times 2/21/2009). Go peel a potato or 2. I don’t think Congress is telling you that, but if you look closer maybe you’ll see someone from your state who stuck it the package. Now i know there are things like that in the package and whoever put these things in needs to be horse whipped, but for about 15 Grand, I‘ll fix the path and walks. Put the rest in education for moronic lawyers and silly governors.

Start Samll. Finish Big. Size Does Matter.

parents’ car for the first time and just drove away? Okay, maybe a few of you. But how many of you ended up denting a fender and then had a lot of explaining to do? How many of you sat down in the first grade and wrote a best selling novel? I’d like to say that I did, but back then I didn’t know a B from a Q.

So how do you get there – from driving cross country to dip your big toe into the Pacific or to autographing copies of your first book for a long line of adoring book enthusiasts?

With all you have to do on a daily basis, you need to be inventive and steal a few minutes each day that you can claim for your very own. Seems like not enough time to even bother working towards a new goal or fulfilling a long held dream? Well, I beg to differ.

Start small. Finish big. That’s it.

Since I am obligated to finish this blog, I will continue.

When you think about what would make your life have more meaning, does the big picture make you shake uncontrollably? Are you working or raising a family or both, but would love to take that dream about becoming a portrait photographer, a potter or a politician and bring it closer to a reality? Would you love to have more room in your life by removing years of junk that is taking over your closets and drawers and driving you to distraction? Start small. Finish big.

1) Give yourself a deadline. I had a client who wanted to clear out years of papers that had been making her bedroom a fire hazard.I asked her if she could devote 5 minutes over the weekend to go thru some of the papers. She mocked me when I suggested only 5 minutes, but agreed to it.We spoke the following week and she ending up giving herself 15 minutes and threw out 3 bags of items that no longer had room in her life. She started small and exceeded her goal. And she decided to keep giving herself permission to allow more into her life by getting rid of things that were taking up her space. Start small. Finish big.

2) Take 15 minutes for yourself.Yes, you can. Your dreams are calling and they would like an answer. In fifteen minutes, you could Google art schools in your area that offer photography course. Ask them for the names of advisors that you could talk to. You could call local art galleries and find out how to put together a show of your pottery. Start making it real. You could look up politicians in your area and call them about how you could volunteer in the community. Get that momentum going. Start small. Finish big.

3) Give your goals a safety net and watch what happens. Don’t abandon what you love to do or need to do because of time. So many other people found the time and achieved there goals. So why not you? You deserve it. Look for supportive people who will encourage you to move ahead. Steer clear of the negative people – they are the dream killers. Actually, they are scared to shake things up, but are probably envious of your spirit. We need dreamers who reach their goals to inspire us all. Do it for us. Start small. Finish big, It’s that simple. Now get out there and give me 15!

If you have tried the, “Start Small. Finish Big” theory, please leave a comment and let us know about your successes and challenges. You could be someone’s inspiration. Imagine that.